Donglee的流金歲月

FML即 Fuck my life的縮寫，直譯的話就是「E04，我的生活爛透了……」


這詞的起因是國外有個分享秘密的網站，上面都是網友寫的自己生活中
遇到的糗事或者草尼馬的事情，滿多是「溫馨」，阿不對，是「葷腥」的小故事。


在你感到不舒心的時候去這裡，你會頓時發現生活原來沒有最倒霉，只有更倒霉。

參考出處：http://www.mobile01.com/topicdetail.php?f=292&t=1515406&p=1

FML網址：http://www.fmylife.com/

轉貼原文

Today, I found out that just because your boyfriend asks you to marry him doesn
't mean that he will show up at the wedding. FML

今天，我發現就算你的男友向你求婚，也不意味著他婚禮的時候就一定能來。FML

Today, I asked my boyfriend of almost ten months who his top five women to have
 sex withwould be. I was third. My mom was second. FML

今天，我問了交往了將近十個月的男友，他最希望和哪五個女人OOXX。我排第三。我媽排第
二。FML

Today, I went to my first strip club for my friends birthday. I alsofound outwh
at my girlfriend does for a living. FML

今天，為了給我哥們慶祝生日我們第一次來到了脫衣舞俱樂部。我也發現了我的女友的工作
是什麼。FML

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done,I turned ar
ound to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, dome
'. FML

今天，我男友和我決定試試X菊花。當他結束了以後，我轉過身來，發現他面帶微笑地拿著
一個綁在腰帶上的橡膠JJ，對我說：「現在來X我。」FML

Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. Iwas wearing
 sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to meand grabbed my penis. 
She thought it was my phone. FML

  今天，我在上課的時候睡覺。我的弟弟硬了，而且我穿的是很寬鬆的褲子。我的老師走了
過來一把抓住了我的弟弟——她以為那是我手機。 FML

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he scre
amed "YesBrittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's notBrittany. That's his 
sister. FML

  今天，我在和我的男朋友OOXX。當他要丟了的時候，他突然聲嘶力竭地大喊「太棒了Bri
ttany！！」我的名字不是 Brittany.Brittany是他的妹妹。 FML

Today I noticed that my daughter was making funny noises which oddlyresembledse
x soundsmy wife makes. When I asked her what she was doing she said "I'm preten
ding to be mommy from last night." I was on a business trip last night . FML

今天，我發現我女兒在模仿很奇怪的、聽起來像我老婆在OOXX時發出的聲音。當我問她你在
幹嘛的時候她說「我在學我媽咪昨晚的聲音」。我昨晚出差。 FML

Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential
 businesspartner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-complet
ed his search withhis recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on 
business trip with him tomorrow. I'm ayoung guy. FML

今天，我老闆叫我去他的辦公室，要給我看一個可能成為我們的商業夥伴的公司的網站。當
他在谷歌裡面打「Virginia」這個詞的時候，網站把他的搜索自動補完成了他最近才搜索過
的詞條——「小處男的菊花」。我明天就要和他一起出差。我是個年輕男人。FML

Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the bl
ock to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. my el
ectric toothbrush in her hand. FML

今天，我聽見了我的姐姐在她的房間裡面"自我安慰"。為了逃出去，我帶著狗出去遛了遛。
我回來的時候正巧碰見她出來，手裡拿的東西是——我的電動牙刷。 FML

Today, I went over to surprise my girlfriend of two years with flowers and dinn
er at herapartment. After i knocked, a handsome young man answered the door. Th
inking I had the wrong apartment, I apologized only to hear my girlfriend's voi
ce call from the background:"Baby, who's there?" FML

今天，拿著鮮花和晚餐，打算給我認識了兩年的女友一個驚喜。我敲了敲她公寓的們——然
後一個英俊的年輕男人打開了門。我以為我敲錯了門，道了歉轉身準備離開的時候，我聽到
了我女朋友的聲音——「寶貝，門口的是誰？」FML

Today, I went up to a secluded mountain my boyfriend took me to for our first d
ate. As Isaw another couple hooking up in the bushes, I phoned my boyfriend to 
tell him someone found our secret spot. His Bob Marley ringtone started playing
 from the bush. FML

今天，我自己一人來到了我和我男友第一次約會的地方：一個孤僻的山上。我注意到有另一
對情侶藏在灌木叢中親熱。於是我打電話給我男友，想要告訴他說有人找到了屬於我們的秘
密幽會地點。然後我就听到了我男友手機的Bob Marley的彩鈴聲從那堆灌木里飄來。 FML

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend at his college and when I walked into
 the dormhe was lying in his bed with another girl. When he saw me he simply sa
id, "April Fool's!" It's March 19th. FML

今天，我打算給我上大學的男友一個驚喜。我走進了他的宿舍，發現他和另一個女的躺在床
上。他看見了我，說了句：「愚人節快樂！」那天是3月19號。 FML

Today, I heard my boyfriend of 3 months talking with his friend, notknowing Ico
uld hearthem. "Tonight's the night," my boyfriend says. "I'm finally going to t
ell her I love her!" I got really excited, deciding i loved him too. Then his f
riend says, "Awesome! But what about Kayla?" I'm Kayla. FML

今天，我聽到了我交往3個月的男友和他的朋友聊天，它們不知道我能聽到他們。 「就是今
晚了」，我男友說，「我要告訴她，我愛她！！」我非常興奮，感覺我也非常愛他。然後他
的朋友就說：「太好了。可是，凱拉怎麼辦？」我就是凱拉。 FML

Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. AfterI told her 
22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML

今天，我的女兒問我我是什麼時候破處的。當我告訴她是22歲時，她立馬大喊道：「我贏嘍
！！」她今年才13。FML

Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was on
ly able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML

今天，我結婚9年的老公告訴我說他是搞基的。他甚至還暗示我說，他和我在一起的時候能
硬起來，是因為我長得比較爺們。FML

Today, I got a call from the hospital that my fiance was in the ER. When I arri
ved at the hospital they told me that he had a heart attack while having sex. F
ML

今天，我接到一個電話說我的未婚夫被送進了急救室。當我趕到急救室的時候，他們告訴我
說原因是他在和某人OOXX的時候心臟病發作了。FML

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and
 got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we weere joking andhaving a good time.Su
ddenly, he put hishand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with m
y seed." FML

今天，我第一次和這個男生出去約會。我們去了星巴克，聊著天，很愉快。突然，他把他的
手放到我肚子上說：「不久之後，這裡就會被我的種子灌滿」。FML

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surpr
ise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, w
hen my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, saysi
n an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

今天，我被我老爸突然造訪我宿舍的敲門聲所吵醒。我把門打開對著在門外的他打招呼，這
時候我的室友脫光了衣服拉開了門，親了我的臉頰，用一種超級搞基的聲音說「昨晚你真棒
」以後跑了。FML

Today, I was arrested because my 6 year old son called the police saying that I
 was hitting my wife and that she was crying. My wife and I were having sex. FM
L

今天，我被逮捕了，因為我6歲的兒子打電話叫警察，說我把我的妻子打得哭了。我和我老
婆當時在 OOXX。FML

Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The wo
man was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML

今天，我人生的第一次——讓一個女人看到了我的JJ。我30了。那女的是我的醫生。她打了
個鼾來蓋住她的大笑聲，然後道了道歉。FML

Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are
 so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next doorsay my full name over
 and over again very slowly whilst masturbatingrigorously. FML

今天，我才發現我的新學生宿舍的牆，是多麼的薄。它們如此之薄，以至於我能聽到我隔壁
那個噁心的哥們一邊一遍又一遍地念叨著我的名字，一邊大力SY的聲音。FML

Today, I was laying in bed naked and blindfolded. I told my boyfriend he couldd
o anything he wanted to me. About 30 minutes later I get out of bed and find hi
m in the computer room play World of Warcraft. His friends needed him. FML

今天，我裸身躺在床上，被蒙上了眼罩。我告訴我的男友他把我怎樣都行。30分鐘以後，我
下了床發現他在電腦室打魔獸。他隊友需要他。FML

Today, I performed in my school play. Right before my big solo, I noticed a few
 girls changing backstage and I became aroused. The play was Jesus Christ Super
star, and I was playing Jesus. All I was wearingwas a little cloth, so the whol
e audience saw Jesus get hard during the crucifixion. FML

今天，我在學校表演戲劇。在我的獨角戲閃亮登場之前，我注意到了有幾個女孩在後台換衣
服——於是我小弟弟high了。那場戲是《耶穌基督超級巨星》，我就是演耶穌的。我身上只
穿幾塊布。於是乎，所有觀眾都看到了：耶穌在被釘上十字架的時候可恥地硬了。FML

Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in, talki
ng on herphone. She told her friend, "I have to go, there's a cute guy on this 
elevator." Before I could even react, she turnedto me and said, "Sorry for lyin
g, I really wanted to get off the phone with her." FML

今天，當一個正妹進電梯的時候電梯裡只有我一個，當時她正在打電話。她和她朋友說：「
我得掛了，電梯裡有個帥哥~~」在我有任何反應之前她說：「對不起，我撒謊了，我只是真
的很想把那個電話結束」臥槽= =！！

Today, I went to meet my girlfriends parents for the first time. I accidently d
rove pasttheir house the first time, but saw the whole family outside waitingto
 meet me. I pulleda U-Turn and heard a thud. Thewhole family watched me run ove
r their dog. FML

今天，我第一次去看我女朋友的父母。我第一次不小心開過頭了，但是看到了他們全家在外
面等我。我調了個頭，然後就聽到了砰的一聲。他們全家的人看著我壓扁了他們的狗。FML

Today, I took the bus to work and a sweet old lady got on after me and sat next
 to me. Halfway to work, she fell asleep and her head was on my shoulder. Tryin
g to be nice, I gently tried to wake her up before my stop came. She wasn't sle
eping. I let a dead woman lieon me for30 minutes. FML

今天，我做公車去上班，後來旁邊坐著個慈祥的老奶奶。公車到一半的時候，她睡著了，腦
袋枕在了我的肩膀上。為了做個好青年，我在我的車站到之前才輕輕地打算弄醒她。實際上
，這一路上她根本沒在睡覺。也就是說，我讓一個死人在我身上躺了30分鐘。 FML

今天是我生日。我一整天只接到三個電話。第一個是我的未婚夫，說他要把訂婚戒指拿回去
。第二個是我最好的朋友，向我坦白說過去三個月來她一直和我的未婚夫行為不軌。第三個
是我牙醫的辦公室，給我唱《祝你生日快樂》。FML

Today, after work I went to the parking lot to my car to go home. I found my ca
r doors heavily scratched and all my tires cut, with a note on my windshield. T
he note read, "F***you, Jackson. Don't f*** withme." I'm Tyler, Jackson is my c
o-worker. FML

今天，下班以後，我去停車場準備開車回家。我發現我的車的門被劃傷得很厲害，我所有的
車胎都被紮了。擋風玻璃上留著一張字條寫著：「草NM，傑克遜。別耍老子。」我是泰勒。
傑克遜是我同事。FML

今天，我在我的小弟弟偷看我朋友在衛生間換衣服的時候把他抓了個正著。我問他他在幹嘛
，他回答說：「雷 (Ray)在你去衛生間的時候就這麼做，我只是在學他罷了。」雷是我的新
繼父。FML

Today, I was walking from my office to the place i had parked my car, a distanc
e of approximately three blocks. As I was about to round the last corner I wasf
orced to dive out of the way of a speeding car. As I looked up, I noticed that 
it was my car. FML

今天，我得從我的辦公室走到我停車的地方，距離大概有三個街區遠。在我準備轉過最後一
個街角時，一輛車超速駛來，我不得不趕緊跳到一邊。我抬頭的時候發現了——那車是我的
。FML

Today, my mom's will was read to the rest of the family. I helped mymom writeit
 a couple years ago, and I was to get funds to pay off school loans. She revise
d it and put in a note saying I was to get nothing because I was gay. The execu
tor read it out loud. My momwas the only one who knew. FML

今天，我媽的遺囑被宣告給了全家人。我在幾年前幫助我媽寫的；我會得到一筆資金來付助
學貸款。她自己把遺囑給改了，註明說我啥也得不到因為我搞基。遺囑執行人把這段大聲朗
讀了出來。本來只有我媽一個人知道的。FML

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台灣網友的FML

今天 , 我偽裝成某位男性友人上線 , 與女友msn , 期間並未發現任何異狀 ,為了進一步測
試女友是否忠貞 , 我提出了邀約 , 並詢問是否知道見面的地點, 結果她回說: "當然知道
 , 我們不是才去過"

—— 約見面的地點是我家附近的MOTEL , FML.....生氣